It’s interesting how life kinda ebbs and flows around you. On Sunday in church we heard a lesson about keeping a journal, so that my posterity and I could benefit from it. Well, I guess I got a pretty inspirational journal entry last night, and so in an effort to capture some of the events, as well as my own thoughts and feelings, I thought I’d give it a whirl.
Yesterday was a pretty big work day for me. In addition to the normal work day, there was a good chance that I would get time to use one of the program testbeds to help me check out some of the work I’ve been doing over the past several months. As the day wore on, however, I was told that another group with higher priority would be taking my test time back. I was actually a bit relieved, and said that I’d prefer to reschedule for sooner rather than later because our baby was due in the end of July. Well, at the last minute they gave me back my time, and so I ended up putting in a 13 hour day at work.
When I got home at about 8:40, I was pretty beat. Meredith had tossed a pizza in the oven, which was ready right as I walked in the door, so we could eat and relax. Even though Meredith quit working several weeks ago, the office had asked her to come in on Monday to help out, and it turned out that they would need her help Tuesday too. We were both tired and nearly ready for bed.
At about 9:30, Meredith decided that some ice cream would hit the spot, but she needed to make some room. She went to the restroom, and according to her own account, felt a kind of internal thump and then a lot of liquid started to come. And come. And come…she could tell that her water had broken. She called for me to find the doctor’s office number and I dialed it up. She spoke with the office personnel, and they called up her doctor (Dr. Graham), who happened to be on call. After making a couple of brief phone calls to parents to tell them the news, we hurriedly threw together as much stuff as we could (we were a bit unprepared…Meredith had been having contractions, but you could count the number of contractions in one day on a hand or two) and headed off to the hospital. After a quick U-turn back to the house (“Did I lock my car?”), we got to the hospital a short while after 10 pm. They took us upstairs, and we went into a birthing room. Meredith had been having what felt like menstrual cramps since about the time her water broke, and they had been intensifying. The nurses came in and did an assessment, and thought that the baby appeared to be a breach baby. Dr. Graham came in a bit later and confirmed that fact. With no fluid, there was no way of even attempting to turn the baby—she had to come via Caesarean Section.
At that moment, Meredith and I kinda looked at each other and I could feel the collective terror between us. We had taken Lamaze classes, and felt somewhat prepared for that adventure, but this was a new wrinkle. Meredith got a bit teary, but stayed resolute and strong and answered all of the doctors’ questions. The one feeling that we both had was that at least it would be over very soon. The doctors and nurses were all great—the anesthesiologist was funny and nice, and everyone else rallied around Meredith as they prepared for the surgery. After all of the planning was over, they wheeled Meredith into the OR, leaving me alone in the birthing room. At that point, I completely lost it. I don’t think it was any one thing that made me do it—I think it was just all of the pent-up anxiety, and fear of the unknown. I managed to pull myself together after a few minutes, and then I went to wait to be called into the OR.
I went into the OR, and being a bit squeamish, focused my attention on the top half of the operation (the bottom was separated by a sheet). I think both Meredith and I were nervous, but Meredith didn’t show it. She sounded cool and calm and was inspirational in her strength. I was in awe of her coolness, because I felt as if I would just fall to pieces at any second. After a few minutes, they mentioned that they had a foot, and then some arms, so I summoned some courage and peeked around as they pulled little Gabriella out. I then went to her when they put her on the table and began to evaluate her. They let me cut the cord (actually, I had kinda been against doing it, but to be honest I simply lacked the willpower to say no), and then she and I moved over to the nursery to get all of her measurements. At this point I had the oddest sensation—I felt joy to have her with me, and that she looked so wonderful, but it just didn’t feel completely real. Because of the infrequency of the contractions, I hadn’t done much to fully prepare myself for the baby’s arrival, and now that we were here, I still didn’t feel prepared. I had a bit of a sad feeling too—to be honest, I’m not entirely sure why, because it wasn’t like I was sad that my “old life” was gone—perhaps I didn’t feel ready to share Meredith with someone else.
We went to the nursery and went through the steps. She seemed to do very well in all of the tests, though I was shocked to hear that she was a mere 0.6 ounces over 5 pounds. She was so pretty though, and I was happy to be with her. I got to hold her a little, and take a bunch of pictures. I went back and visited with Meredith again after a few minutes, and told her about the baby. Meredith looked so tired, but happy too. I felt bad that the only contact she had with the baby thus far was by looking at the LCD on the camera. After that, I went back to the nursery and held Gabriella until I knew that Meredith had been transferred to her room, and went to meet her then.
That’s all I feel like writing about now—the staff has been truly wonderful, and have taken such good care of us. I still feel so immature and unprepared to be in charge of someone so important, but will do my best no matter what.
The details:
Gabriella Melinda
5 lbs. 0.6 oz.
18" long
Pictures coming soon...the web is being retarded... :/
